I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
