im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
