if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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