I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
