I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
