so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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