hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
