"it" just moved
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
