ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
