does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
