I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
