So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
