Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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