Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
