this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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