Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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