idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
