Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
