I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt