I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night