So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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