White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit