yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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