My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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