I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
