I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
