I think I won the penis lottery.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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