at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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