I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
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How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
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He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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