don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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