literally had 100 drinks last night.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
