he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
