Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
