there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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