My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize