and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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