I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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