if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
