You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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