Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
