accomplished twins. life is a go
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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