I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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