Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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