everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
