i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
