Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can I color on your dick again?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
