My hair reeks of homosexuality.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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