Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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