If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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