what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
