Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i wish my penis had a tongue
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
