Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
