Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
