ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
