my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
