if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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