Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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