Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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