ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
we're so committed to being not committed
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize