on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
