i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
