Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
