My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
