i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
