I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
