I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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