I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
