i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
