Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
