ya dads aren't the best wingmen
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
