I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
