please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He better not be in your backpack
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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