whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
