smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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