i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
