the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i believe in u and ur pee
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