My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
