I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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