i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
