There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
